The Night Of Power

For some reason, this Ramadan feels the loneliest and the hardest. I allow myself to struggle and be defeated in order to find peace internally. To fight the evil in me and to be constantly in control of myself is overwhelming and exhausting.

To remain patient, the beautiful patience. Where nobody else will know that you are in pain, or frustrated, or angry, except you and Him, is a constant state of effort. That was something I was trying to endure during this month of Ramadan, and I failed.

I fail to inspire and uplift myself in respect to thoughts and actions. I fail to be present in moments. I fail to remain consistent in obeying His commands. I fail to strive and grab the multiple rewards Ramadan promises.

It will be over soon, and as time flies, a reminder to myself to always conserve patience, and let it be the highest level of sabr, fas bir sabran jameela, in order to strive for the highest level of response to His tests and trials of the dunya that we can’t escape.

This could be the night of Laylatul Qadr, and here I am. Please renew my iman and grant me relentless sabr, for me to find my purpose of life, for me to keep going, for me to believe that better days are coming. Allow me to be focused on You, free my mind of worry and free my heart of sadness. Protect me from the evil of my own self. Make me a better person that I am right now. Same goes to those around me, please take care of their heart, lift their burdens and fill them with happiness.

Farewell Ramadan, til we meet again insyaAllah.

Photo by Annie Spratt