The Search For Everything – Pt 3

// Lauv – Paris In The Rain

It’s beautiful outside, went north on Fifth and passed the legendary Tiffany & Co. building. This is it. Where they filmed Breakfast At Tiffanys. I wasn’t sure whether I should step in, don’t think I can afford any of those sparkly jewels, so I continued walking. Reached the corner of Central Park.

Took a stroll as the weather was lovely, spectacular shades of autumn, wonderful. The park is endless. Wandered around and I found a nice area overlooking the lake. Of course I was surrounded with couples holding hands and all that. Mehh, I can see it from their faces but don’t you think it’s better to be alone than, sort of together? Sigh, And there I was, thinking about Josh. After all the late nights confession, how I wish I could lie down next to you, while listening to the tunes of La La Land. Lie down in silence, breathe.. embrace our existence and just seize the moment, we finally have each other.

Ahh, when’s that going to happen? Will it ever going to happen? It’ll be one of the wonders of our sombre world.

Lesson learnt.

Don’t walk away from something good, because of bad timing. And if there’s one thing I want to change it the past, that would be, you.

Photo By Anthony Tulliani 

As I was roaming around, I felt the satisfaction of being somewhere unfamiliar, and when you’re alone it’s a different kind of solitude. And when you’re alone in New York, that’s a different thing altogether, it’s the city that never sleeps, you’re surrounded by millions of people, you can never feel isolated, right? But I guess loneliness doesn’t require physical presence of another, it’s merely emotional connection.

I continued on 6th Ave, walked past the infamous Halal Guys, wondered if it’s really Halal. It should be. The chicken platter looks good though, but the queue is too long. Maybe later. There’s so many street food vendors along the sixth, I didn’t expect this to be in NYC. I strolled down until I reached the corner of Radio City but there was nothing interesting to watch at the moment.

Photo by Andrea Cau

Half past six. Went up to the 70th floor of the Rockefeller Plaza, Top Of The Rock, waiting for the sun to set. The view of Central Park is incredible.

NYC reveals itself from up here, the sound of vehicles whizzing by, cars honking, faint siren comes and goes, the sound of church bells, loud musics, the sound of the strong wind.. and for a minute there my brain freezes. Then there are hundreds and thousands of windows, glass building facades, tinted, frosted, some empty, some darkened, some lighted with yellow, white, bright neon lights. Inside, you can see strangers, attending to their daily lives, working, drinking, smoking, chatting. I became adrift to the currents of the city.

There I was, alone, sometimes I wish I could forget my sorry self. When I came here I was in pieces, surrounded with difficult feelings – anger, depression, anxiety, frustration.. One thing about feelings – they don’t last. But learning to handle the things that seem to afflict me by befriending myself is the only way to move forward.

It made me understand myself more.

Well well now just look at that, the amazing view of the sunset. Stunning! And it that moment, nothing else matters.

Photo by jonathan riley